Lately.

When we are four years old, there is no question about what we will do the next year. We're going to kindergarten and that's just the way it is. "Hey sweetie, I need you to start thinking about your plans for next year. There's this thing called school and you can do that or you can stay at home and play all day. Consider what you think would benefit you in the long run when you make this decision. Let me know in a couple of weeks." No. The decision is made for us. The same is true for the transition from sixth grade into seventh, middle school into highschool and highschool into college. Yes, we make important decisions in the mean time, summer plans, which college to attend, etc. But basically the first time in our lives in which a life altering decision is not made for us, usually occurs during college when we're trying to figure out the "right" thing to do afterwards. Because afterall, we were created to do one particular thing for the rest of lives, and if we don't figure out what that is and find a job in that field, we have failed.

Sadly, this was my thought process for a long time.
Gladly, the Holy Spirit has been teaching me otherwise lately.

Louie Giglio summed it up pretty well at Passion 2011 when he said:

"We have spent our lives trying to figure out how to get in the “right” place. There are people perplexed about getting in the right place. ‘How do I know God if I’m in the right place, in the right relationship, is that the right guy, the right girl, is this the right time? Is it this grad school or that program? This degree or that internship? Am I in the right deal right now?’ We’re all paralyzed with ‘What does God want me to do?’ God wants you to carry the right thing all the days of your life wherever you go, that’s what God wants you to do. And that provides some margin and some grace in the decision you make about what you do.”

You see, it doesn't matter what we do, where we go. "Go wherever your passion leads you" Louie said. It makes sense. Because you see as born again believers, our passions are not our own, but they were given to us by our Creator. So as long as we're living for Him, doing what He created us to love doing, we have no worries! Relax (Virginia). We don't have to figure it out! You see the truth is that if we are carrying the name of Jesus in doing whatever we do, there is a lot of grace in whether we get to the "right" place or not. It's so easy to forget that ultimately we're not "in charge" of our lives. "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9 Thank you for that, God.

Society makes it so hard to remember that though. There is such an expectation of a "five year plan." Everyone wants to know what you're doing next year, what's after that, and what if that doesn't work out?

"Now you know with that major, you'll have to go to grad school."

"Oh, well what are you planning to do with that degree?"

"When are you getting married?"

"What are you going to do with your life?"

I was venting to a friend on the phone the other night who is going through the same pressure. He jokingly suggested that we start answering these questions by saying "Well, I'm not really trying to live for myself so I really can't answer that right now." Or when asked "So what are you going to do with your life?" answer with "Well you know, I actually plan to do a lot with my life." Sounds funny, but I mean think about it. Yes, I dream of a particular career. But, how sad would it be if that were the only aspiration I had for my life? I pray that the career I end up with is only one way I glorify God with my life. I want to be so much more than a graduate student and employee/psychologist/counselor/whatever else. And what I'm realizing is that to get there, I have to take my eyes off of me.

When I was talking to my friend, he said "Well what is it that you want to do?" I told him that was the problem, I don't really know what I want to do. He really hit home when he said "Well, who are you doing this for?"

Silence.                                                                          

Knowing what the answer should be, I sat in silence for a second realizing the simplicity of it all. All this time I have been worrying about what I was going to do instead of focusing on Who I am doing it for. If Christ is the center of my life, if the Holy Spirit is active in my everyday, then wouldn't it make sense that He would take care of me and put me in the right place?

God promises us that He knows exactly the plans that He has for us. And He doesn't stop there. He tells us that they are good plans. We like these plans. We want these plans. Now how does God place us exactly where He wants us to be if we decide where we go and what we do? How can we choose yet end up where He directs us?

I don't know.

How does He perfectly orchestrate His divine will into my jacked up life?

I don't know. And I don't have to. I'm just so glad He does.

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations for ever and ever! Amen."

Ephesians 3:20-21