Brayan Orlando.

It has been on my heart for a really long time to begin sponsoring a child through Compassion International. Well, today I did. Little Brayan Orlando Leumas Madrid from El Salvador is now being sponsored. He is six years old, and he shares a birthday with my sweet grandmother. She would be so happy to know that this sweet boy is being sponsored in her memory. I can't wait to receive my information packet about him. Compassion is such a wonderful organization that meets the needs of children physically and spiritually.

The last month has been extremely difficult for my family. I have begun to miss my grandmother more than I ever could have imagined. The confidence of her wellbeing in the sight of the Savior this very instant is what gets me through.

I can't do anything about her loss. I can't have another conversation with her. I can't laugh with her. I can't fight over the last green tea with her. I can't change the channel from "Days of Our Lives" when she falls asleep. She's not here to love me anymore. But, I can continue to keep her love living on. I pray that the sponsoring of this child will keep the loving legacy of my grandmother alive. She was full of spunk, that's for sure. But anyone who knew her will be sure to tell you of the deep, Christ-centered love she had for "the least of these."

I am reminded of some of her favorite Scriptures:

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."

Matthew 25:40

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

James 1:27

Join me in praying for Brayan. He is experiencing a deep pain from poverty that I will never understand. Pray that this little six year old will grow up to be a God fearing young man who lives the rest of his days here glorifying the sweet name of Jesus until he meets Him face to face. Glory to the King, forever and ever.

It's The Little Things.

Sometime in early spring last year, I realized that my mom would be turning fifty the following summer while I would be in Japan. At the same time, I realized that she is the only one in our family who had never been given a surprise birthday party. I put the two together, and started planning. Like me, my grandmother can't even keep her own secrets, so I decided to not tell her until the morning of. This party was one of those things I had always wanted to do, but never thought I would actually get around to doing it. One of my mom's friends called and asked if I would babysit for her that day. So while she was thinking I was out all day, I snuck over next door to the g-parents house and starting cooking and working on decorations. Mamaw was SO EXCITED when I told her. She always LOVED knowing something that someone else didn’t. We went in the guest bedroom where I was working on the most of the decorations, and she sat and talked to me while I painted. Though she was having some health issues during this time which caused her to feel bad most of the time, she was SO happy at the party that night.

A few weeks ago, Rebecca and I were honored to attend the second annual Diving Duck Christmas Festival with our friends Jeremy and Zach. Roomie made cornbread dressing and I made green bean casserole. Jeremy has a very limited appetite of ham, macaroni and cheese, and rolls. Afraid there wouldn't be enough of his favorites I agreed to make mac and cheese as well. Though it had always been on my bucket list to learn to make my grandmother's macaroni and cheese, I had never done so. So the morning before the dinner, we got together and cooked in Ellisville at Rebecca's house. While at Corner Market buying our ingredients, I called Mamaw to talk about how to make the macaroni. She sounded sleepy when she answered so I told her it was me. "I know who it is" she said in that sassy tone of hers. :) "Well, make sure you take it out when you think it's ready" and "Don't fill the pan too high" are some of the things I remember her telling me. When I came home for Christmas, I went up to visit and told her I made the macaroni and it was delicious! She smiled and jokingly said, "Well since you can make my macaroni now, you just don't even need me anymore." Such a little priss pot.

                                              

Last year for Christmas, my grandmother gave each girl in our family jewelry from Newton’s. I picked out an absolutely gorgeous ring. Something that then, I was excited about. Something that now, I will treasure forever.  

This year, we each got photo books full of pictures of our grandparents when they were young, their wedding picture and photos of us with them/at their house growing up. After Christmas Eve dinner, we went into the living room and took family pictures. Something we regretfully never do. Every combination possible was taken. Each child with grandparents, each grandchild, each family, etc…

                                

Planning a party with her, learning to make her legendary macaroni and cheese, picking out a ring and taking silly pictures. It's the little things.

Four days after that memorable night spent with our whole family, a deputy sherriff knocked on my door at 1:15 in the morning. My grandparents’ house had almost burned completely down. We were right next door, didn't know a thing. After running out and seeing the flames, I ran back inside and hit my knees praying that they were both okay. It brings me comfort now to know that at the same time, she was on her knees praising Jesus face to face. My sweet pawpaw is still in ICU at St. Dominic.

I’m gonna miss taking her to get her hair done, listening to her stories about people no one else has ever heard of, being told to water the ferns, feed the humming birds, get their supper from Stark’s, “fix” her a glass of tea, and watch the way she would get ridiculously excited about Red Lobster’s coconut shrimp. From now I’ll fight the urge to pronounce Indians as “Engines,” Salsa as “Salsia” and Santa Claus as “Santie Claus.” Of all the times with her I can recall, what I believe I’ll miss the most are her voicemails.

Virginia. It’s your Grandmother. Where are you? (Pause) I need you. (Pause) What are you doing? (Pause) Well….(Pause) Call me back, okay? (Pause) I love you. (Pause) This is your grandmother.

*Thirty minutes later: Virginia? (Pause) This is still your grandmother. And I still need you. Call me back, okay?

Without knowing it, my grandmother taught me three major lessons in life.

1. Hazlehurst will always be better than Crystal Springs- It's okay to marry a Crystal Springs boy as long as he moves to Hazlehurst.

2. GEAUX TIGERS GEAUX! Though I never picked up on this lesson, it was definitely taught to me. Taught, and screamed. Screamed out of my car window while driving her through town. Every time I drove her through town. Go get 'em mamaw. For me, SMTTT!

3. Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. 1Peter5:7- Though she was full of jokes and laughs, she didn't always live an easy life. Through her mother's murder, she experienced Christ's power in a whole new way. She learned to give everything to Him, and trust Him in the most painful times. This is a lesson she carried throughout the rest of her life. What she learned then, I am learning now.

The phone calls, text messages, cards and visits have been overwhelming and we are so thankful for the love we've been shown from our precious friends during these trying days. Please continue to pray for Pawpaw. May God receive the glory through it all.

Lately.

When we are four years old, there is no question about what we will do the next year. We're going to kindergarten and that's just the way it is. "Hey sweetie, I need you to start thinking about your plans for next year. There's this thing called school and you can do that or you can stay at home and play all day. Consider what you think would benefit you in the long run when you make this decision. Let me know in a couple of weeks." No. The decision is made for us. The same is true for the transition from sixth grade into seventh, middle school into highschool and highschool into college. Yes, we make important decisions in the mean time, summer plans, which college to attend, etc. But basically the first time in our lives in which a life altering decision is not made for us, usually occurs during college when we're trying to figure out the "right" thing to do afterwards. Because afterall, we were created to do one particular thing for the rest of lives, and if we don't figure out what that is and find a job in that field, we have failed.

Sadly, this was my thought process for a long time.
Gladly, the Holy Spirit has been teaching me otherwise lately.

Louie Giglio summed it up pretty well at Passion 2011 when he said:

"We have spent our lives trying to figure out how to get in the “right” place. There are people perplexed about getting in the right place. ‘How do I know God if I’m in the right place, in the right relationship, is that the right guy, the right girl, is this the right time? Is it this grad school or that program? This degree or that internship? Am I in the right deal right now?’ We’re all paralyzed with ‘What does God want me to do?’ God wants you to carry the right thing all the days of your life wherever you go, that’s what God wants you to do. And that provides some margin and some grace in the decision you make about what you do.”

You see, it doesn't matter what we do, where we go. "Go wherever your passion leads you" Louie said. It makes sense. Because you see as born again believers, our passions are not our own, but they were given to us by our Creator. So as long as we're living for Him, doing what He created us to love doing, we have no worries! Relax (Virginia). We don't have to figure it out! You see the truth is that if we are carrying the name of Jesus in doing whatever we do, there is a lot of grace in whether we get to the "right" place or not. It's so easy to forget that ultimately we're not "in charge" of our lives. "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9 Thank you for that, God.

Society makes it so hard to remember that though. There is such an expectation of a "five year plan." Everyone wants to know what you're doing next year, what's after that, and what if that doesn't work out?

"Now you know with that major, you'll have to go to grad school."

"Oh, well what are you planning to do with that degree?"

"When are you getting married?"

"What are you going to do with your life?"

I was venting to a friend on the phone the other night who is going through the same pressure. He jokingly suggested that we start answering these questions by saying "Well, I'm not really trying to live for myself so I really can't answer that right now." Or when asked "So what are you going to do with your life?" answer with "Well you know, I actually plan to do a lot with my life." Sounds funny, but I mean think about it. Yes, I dream of a particular career. But, how sad would it be if that were the only aspiration I had for my life? I pray that the career I end up with is only one way I glorify God with my life. I want to be so much more than a graduate student and employee/psychologist/counselor/whatever else. And what I'm realizing is that to get there, I have to take my eyes off of me.

When I was talking to my friend, he said "Well what is it that you want to do?" I told him that was the problem, I don't really know what I want to do. He really hit home when he said "Well, who are you doing this for?"

Silence.                                                                          

Knowing what the answer should be, I sat in silence for a second realizing the simplicity of it all. All this time I have been worrying about what I was going to do instead of focusing on Who I am doing it for. If Christ is the center of my life, if the Holy Spirit is active in my everyday, then wouldn't it make sense that He would take care of me and put me in the right place?

God promises us that He knows exactly the plans that He has for us. And He doesn't stop there. He tells us that they are good plans. We like these plans. We want these plans. Now how does God place us exactly where He wants us to be if we decide where we go and what we do? How can we choose yet end up where He directs us?

I don't know.

How does He perfectly orchestrate His divine will into my jacked up life?

I don't know. And I don't have to. I'm just so glad He does.

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations for ever and ever! Amen."

Ephesians 3:20-21

Gotta Do Better Than Broke Back Jack.

What do boys and electives have in common? I'm equally terrible at picking them.
Thanks to Copiah Academy and Copiah-Lincoln Community College, I came to Southern having already taken 20 hours. Because of this, I've been able to take pretty light semesters, avoid summer school and wrap up this whole "college education" thing in the average goal of 4 years.
Since I had the basics of Math, English and Biology out of the way, I dove straight into my Psychology classes. I'm in my Capstone class now and after that, "Non-Psychology Electives" is the only section of my degree plan that so boldy states "REQUIREMENT NOT MET."
I was so excited signing up for classes at the end of last semester because who wouldn't want a semester full of electives, right? And it would have been a great thing if I had have a brain, that is. Of all the courses offered, I debated all summer which classes I should take. I didn't want some loser "basket weaving" class, I really wanted classes I had minimal skill level in but never had an opportunity to focus in on them. After much consideration, this is what I (so brilliantly) came up with.

Violin Performance
Poetry Writing
Advanced Public Speaking
The Life of Jesus

Let me start my saying that just because you took violin as a child, played in a couple of weddings and love Meryl Streep's "Strings of the Heart" does not mean you need to take a violin class with thirty violin majors from foreign countries. Just because your Speech teacher Freshman year was the most amazing teacher alive, just because he told you your speech was the best he'd heard in two years, and just because you were elected to every position you ran for in high school solely because of your speeches does not in fact guarentee that you will whip through "Hell 101" as the teacher calls it, with no problems. And perhaps the most humorous of all these mistakes, just because you know and love Jesus does not by any stretch of the imagination mean that you should sign up for a "Life of Jesus" class at the University of Liberal. You know each semester you have that one class that you especially dread going to each time it meets? That's how I feel about every single one. But through all of these struggles I face every day from 8-5:05, I am learning new things as well as reinforcing what I knew before. Example: Jesus is not an Avatar. But I believe the most disturbing of them all has been my Poetry class. I mean yes I love the violin, and have a passion for writing/giving speeches but basically I've always thought I was a fantastic poet. I'm finding there's a lot of cold hard truths my mother should have told me a long time ago. But when you write

"I had a horse his name was Jack

I rode his tail to save his back

Woah Jack, don't come back!"

as a six-year old, what are you supposed to think? The first day of class rolls around, and I realize I'm going to have to dig a little deeper than broke back Jack to do well in the class. Our first assignment was to metaphorically draw two objects together who have nothing in common. I decided to sign up in one of the last groups so I could hear what others in the class came up with. I left discouraged every day as the teacher was never truly happy with any poem. One day he said "I don't want you to write about how much you love your baby or your honeypie. It's about chickens on fire people. GET WEIRD."
"Get weird" is all I needed to hear as I've never really had a problem with that. After much thought at the Labor Day lunch table with Mom, Clark, Aunt Judy, Caroline, and Ted Dear, we decided I should just write something down, turn it in, and drop the class as soon as I was able to get into another one. Incase I couldn't, I still had to write a poem as it was due the next day. I shot off ideas at Clark and Caroline as he was playing playstation, she was texting, and I was lying on the couch. An hour or two later, a beautiful comparison of Potatoes and Lady Gaga became the final work. Partly thinking I was going to be thrown out for "not taking the assignment seriously" I stumbled to class the next day. I finished reading and my teacher says "When you start comparing things to Lady Gaga, that's when I know you're really getting it."
I couldn't believe it, completely blew my mind. Of course he also had a deal of constructive criticism to offer but was impressed overall. As was I with his reaction.
Needless to say, I'm staying in the class. All of them actually. In violin I'm sqeaking like a mouse, don't agree with one statement in Relgion, and dread my first speech but I'm being stretched, I'm growing (no, unfortunately not in inches) and that's what really matters.

Scatter-brained update.

Language is a funny thing. You think you're getting the hang of the little bit of Japanese that you know, and then your friend (graciously) laughs in your face when you say "scary" when you meant "cute" or "rice ball" when you meant "hello." Or, you're having a conversation with a friend about the crime rate where you are from and suddenly she has a confused look on her face and says "Okay, but is it hot or cold?" Embarrassed, you laugh as you realize that she said "climate" not "crime rate."
Or, when you accidentally insult your friend's job because you thought he said his work was "boring stuff" when he said "bowling staff." And my favorite one, you become utterly confused when receiving directions to your friends house as she says "cross the street and then you will see the injection." Better known as "intersection."
These funny little mishaps add a nice touch of humor to our long, exhausting days. At times, I would hop on a plane tonight and at other times, I feel like I could stay for years. The Lord is sustaining me for sure and He sends encouragement at exactly the right times. In the last post I mentioned that a lady I met during 5 Minute English emailed me. Well, today we met. We stayed talking in a coffee shop for two and a half hours. She is very interested in the Bible and we started an in-depth study today. She has several Christian friends and has been to church a few times before and is very open to hearing the Gospel. Like most Japanese, she claims Buddhism but is not committed. She began asking questions as we read the Bible so we lost track of time and she left later than she needed to. She was supposed to leave at 5 to go cook supper for her husband. Sorry, husband. :)

How you can pray:
-Pray for my meeting next week with the friend I met with today
-Pray for Charlie and Teresa, Barb and Liz and the other missionaries who will be following up with the contacts we have made after we leave
-Pray for harvesting of all of the seeds planted
-Praise the Lord for who He is. Praise Him for the work He has done here and will continue to do

"Japan, in case you didn't know is the second largest unreached people group in the world. The whole country doesn't have a clue." - Louie Giglio

"God is not looking for big faith, but even a little faith in a big God." - George Mueller

We're not called to understand Him, just believe Him.

"The Land of the Rising Sun can become the Land of the Risen Son!"

Praise the Lord, and rest in His peace.

Love you all, Virginia

"This moment, I love."

Monday night, I had a great night with my sweet friend Ayaka. After a day at Konan University and 5 Minute English in Sannomiya, I met her for dinner. We went to her uncle's restaurant and I'm telling you, it was the best night I have had here so far. We had a private room and her uncle cooked for us fried cheese, pork, chicken, shrimp, potatoes, and I don't even remember what else. After cooking, he brought his laptop in the room and told me to Google Earth my house.  It didn't really show up well so I googled my church and showed them. It meant so much to me that he wanted to see where I'm from and hear about my family and friends. Their concern and hospitality made me a lot less homesick. When I moved the mouse from America to Japan, Ayaka said "Wow! It is so far away! Thank you for coming!" Afterwards, he googled his house and Ayaka's house and he showed me picture albums of his daughters. We stayed talking and laughing for two hours until it was time for him to close the resturant. The next day we went back to Kansai Gai Dai and I met with my favorite little group- Tsumugi, Shiori, and the Miho's. We have plans to go to an aquarium in the next few days. Monday when we were at Konan, Jenna and I were going to meet with some of her friends she had met the time before. We were talking with them when I noticed the cross neckace one of the girls was wearing. We asked her what it meant and spent the next few minutes explaining. She was very interested and asked a lot of questions. Today we went shopping and had lunch with the two girls and have lunch plans with them for tomorrow. It is fun to watch the way God works things out. For example, yesterday we were doing Five Minute English in the rain. I was with Ciara, we were getting nothing but strange looks. My legs were swollen with mosquito bites and my mood was less than cheerful. John Ray and Jenna were prayer walking and they passed by and asked what they could pray for. I told John Ray to pray for my mood and I was silently praying for someone to stop. A man walked by on a cell phone and I prayed that he would turn around. That instant I kid you not, the man turned around. I prayed next that he would stop. The man stopped. I was getting excited and next I said "Lord, if it's Your Will, let this man come and talk to me." He stayed talking on the phone for a few minutes and then like I knew he would, he came and he talked the me. The power of prayer like I have never experienced before. He seemed interested and He took a "Steps to Peace with God." He's working, guys. A few minutes ago, I got an email from a friend I met a few weeks ago. I assumed she had forgotten or didn't care, but I was wrong. She wants to meet this week. God's plans far exceed my expectations. Thank for your prayers and know that God is working.
I want to close with this. The night I was with Ayaka, she stopped suddenly, grabbed my arm and said "This moment I love." This summed up my feelings for the past seven weeks. This moment, I love.